Die Happy Everyday

Every night I go to bed happy to die. And every new day I wake up happy to
live one more. If you do not have that feeling something needs to change.

Let us break down these two points.

1. Happy to die

Near to oxymoronic, this should be the state you achieve every day. The
objective of your day should be to justify, to yourself, your continued
existence. Any day failing to accomplish this is a wasted day. Do not construe
this command to mean that you must always be engaging in activities others have
deemed worthwhile. Act as you see fit, as you are the only judge that matters.
For example, I have spent many a day playing video games and watching tv. I
could be learning some new technology or building something, but I did not feel
like it that day. Other people might consider this a wasted day. Their opinion
is irrelevant. I enjoyed that day; I thought that day was great. The point here
is everyday should end with you being satisfied. Satisfied you set out to do
something and accomplished it, satisfied that you enjoyed the day. Only the
satisfied can ever be comfortable with death. This is not to say that you want
to die. It is to say that if you do die, if today was your last day, that you
go to your demise happy with all that you have done. A personal example of
this: I am 23. I have lived a long life. Not by human standards, but by the
standards of other animals. Consider an ant or a fly or a house cat. We must
seem impossibly old to them. In the case of the insects whole generations are
birthed and died before we could speak. Their lives flicker in and out
unnoticed. I have seen a great many things, felt passion and fear, cried and
laughed. I have spent many a day being enriched by my friends. I have built
things, changed and altered the environment. I have lived a full life. Shorter
than some, but no less rich in my estimation. Have I done and seen anything,
no. Do I want to keep living, yes. Would I be sad to die, no.

2. Happy to live one more

The new day is a gift you give to yourself. It is the blank page, the block
of clay, the empty canvas. You do not have to fill it, that is not the point.
The mere fact that you have a chance to. Have an opportunity to create
something, be it your work, your passion, or something else. This is the
happiness of waking up. When you sleep you die. When you wake you are reborn.
This day may be your last, but at least you have something. One more chance to
live. Too often we think in terms of months or years. We allow the days to
slide on inexorably in the hope of a better future. You can make that better
future today, right now, the moment you wake up. You need only recognize the
potential of a new day.

Not all days are like this. I have had far too many where I went to bed
depressed having wasted the day. Plenty of times where I woke up and was
immediately crushed by stress and wanted nothing more to lay down and rot. But
if we let our worst moments define ourselves we could never accomplish great


Edge of the Fire

A quick parable today. Imagine a fire pit at night. Close to the fire it is
hot, smoky even. You get a limited view, but it is great if you like it
scalding hot. Back up a bit and you are in the sweet spot, a foot or two away.
Warm and comfortable with an excellent view of the flames licking the logs. Go
out a few more feet from there and it gets precipitously colder and darker.
This is the edge of the fire. Close enough to occasionally get some benefit of
the burning wood, but never enough to be satisfied. Beyond is darkness. You can
see the fire, but the warm feeling is lost.

The fire pit is analogous to the stages of life. Being close to the fire is
like childhood. Intense and emotional. It is easy to get hurt, and hard to see
with all the smoke, but exhilarating to be so close to something so energetic.
The sweet spot is young adolescence (teenager). A little more wisdom has taught
you to sit back a bit to get the whole view allowing you to enjoy the fire from
a distance. Then again the fire is not really why you are there, it is the
other people around the fire that brought you to the pit. The edge of the fire
is the intermediary stage from adolescence to adulthood. You can still see and
feel the fire, but the feeling is different, more distant. It is not so much
that the fire is less interesting from here, but you have new goals. You could
return to the fire, what you know, or you could venture out beyond the fire
into the darkness. The darkness is adulthood because you can never quite see
far enough to tell where you are going. Yet you still ventured out, there must
be something worth looking for in the dark.

What I am (poorly) getting at here is when all you ever know is one thing or
one lifestyle (in my parable, sitting around the fire) it can be very difficult
to move beyond that comfort zone (the darkness around the fire). This is the
area just on the edge of the fire where you have to make a conscious choice to
leave the fire pit. This choice does not have subjectively better options.
Plenty of people stick with what they know and live fine adult lives. Plenty of
other people commit fully and venture out into the night. You can even live in
the middle ground (with me!) and skirt around the edges enjoying the old and
the new. This parable does not exist to make you unsatisfied with your choice,
but to inform you that you have made one. More than that, that you actively
continue to make a choice on how to lead your life.


In Time All Will Be Lost

You will lose everything you love. Your parents, extended family, and
siblings will all die. Your friends and significant others will die. The house
you live in will decay, the art you make will fade, the words you write will be
lost, the pictures and film you record will go missing. Everything you know
will become unknown and everything you hold dear will be destroyed. Given a
long enough time span all will be

This is not something to fret or worry about though. This is something to be
celebrated! The knowledge of eventual demise is a gift because it gives meaning
to everything in life. Consider a personal example. A few Connecticons ago (the long distant memory that is
2012) I was standing outside watching everyone mill about. It was late (around
1AM) on a Saturday and the Convention hall had closed up, but no one wanted to
leave quite yet. There was a group of people near the doorway dancing to some
techno beats. I was standing with a couple friends idly chatting. People would
come by, take pictures of my friend’s cosplay. Others would walk by resplendent
in their various costumes just meandering around. It was a hot day, but the
night was pleasant enough, not chill enough to need a jacket, but cool enough
to be comfortable. Want to see what this looked like? Here is a picture I took
that night on my phone ‘s terrible camera.


What makes this moment important? Its uniqueness. All these different people
and disparate groups had come together to create this one particular moment in
time. Conventions like this happen all the time, but never with this exact mix
of people, with these exact conditions. This moment in time is unique and of
value because it can never be replicated. Each person in this photo made a
choice to spend a finite resource (time) on this event. They might have done
this only thinking of themselves, but they gave me that gift of their time. For
a fleeting wonderful movement they let me enjoy their company. It was only one
moment, but it was enough. You remember the bible story about
the lady who gave two pennies
? That is the same thing that is at play here.
If you have an infinite amount of something then giving it to others has little
meaning because you never suffer a loss. The meaning is in the loss. The
willingness in people to spend some resource of limited quantity for the
benefit of others. Only things which are finite can have value.

Everyone in this photo will die. These buildings will become rubble, Given
enough time even the planet this photo was taken on will be destroyed. But that
is ok, I am fine with that, because I got to experience this one moment. I know
that all this destruction will come to pass and I chose to spend the finite
amount time of time I have to experience something. It is this experience that
occurs everyday. The time you spend with friends, or the time you spend
creatively. You know these moments are limited, you know all your work is
futile, but you do it anyway, not to fool yourself into thinking it can never
end, but because it will end, it must end.

You can only ever love something that ends.

Engineering Philosophy

Digital Legos

Sometimes I get anxious, antsy. Spend too long in meetings or clearing out
emails.Sometimes I just want to code. It is akin to an addiction. Do it too
much and you overdose and your quality suffers. Do it too little and you go
into withdrawal, just begging to get that next hit.

Consider this metaphor. In Homeworld the various races travel
around space by means of hyperspace jumping. For all races except one this is
just another form of faster than light travel. For the outlier race, the
Bentusi, it is different. For them Hyperspace travel is an experience, a reason
to live. By their own account, “hyperspace sings in our
. So to is coding to the programmer. To live is to program. You cannot
separate the two.

What breeds this addiction? This affliction differs from person to person,
but for me it has always been to play. Code is just another toy for me, like
legos or Lincoln logs. It is about challenging yourself to make interesting
unique work with the pieces you have. I have a bunch of loops and conditional
statements and variables how can I make a list of unordered numbers become
ordered? How can I make it run fast? How can I make it use space efficiently?
You do not need any special education, all you need is the will to learn. You
can do that right now. Do not even leave this blog page. Go ahead and pop open
the web developer tools (Ctrl+Shift+K for Firefox, F12 for Chrome and IE. Press
Ctrl + 2 after opening up the development tools in IE to get the console). Play
with some javascript right now by typing at the prompt the following and
hitting enter:

alert("Hello World")

This creates a simple popup with “Hello World” displayed. Neat huh, not very
flash but you just did something. Try something else, type this and hit

confirm("See Some Buttons?")

This creates a similar popup but with an ‘Ok’ and ‘Cancel’ button. Are you
feeling it yet? Play with some math, go ahead and add some numbers at the

3 + 3

It adds them for you and shows the result. You can multiply and divide and
all sorts of fun math stuff. Remember my example of turning unordered lists
into ordered lists. That is a solved problem for us. Look at this:


What do you get? The numbers come back in sorted order. Try putting some
words in there and see what happens:

["bear", "cat", "chair", "apple"].sort()

Was that fun for you? It is not everyone’s jam, but I live for this. I live
for the thrill of trying to solve problems and build things with all these
digital parts. Its exploration, its discovery, its adventure. For some people
it is just a way to get around, but for others it can be a real journey.


A One Man Show

Paul, why are you single?

This question has been posed to me a few times. It takes a couple forms.
There is the aggressive one I choose to lead off this piece. Sometimes if I am
lucky I might get the more euphemistic, “why have you not met someone?”.
However, the worst is when the question becomes a statement, “you will one
day.” These thoughts are disappointing to me. I am not mad that people ask. I
am always willing to share my poorly thought out philosophies. This blog is
digital evidence of that truth. I am frustrated that after so long it seems
people remain unwilling to accept that I just want to be a one man show. Yes,
truly I live a pityingly misunderstood life. It is not my place nor desire to
tell you what should be meaningful in your life. Do not construe this post as a
criticism of your philosophies or actions. Consider it a statement or
explanation of my beliefs so that you might better understand my thoughts.


Some words must be spent to provide the reasoning by which I approach this

1. We must not allow ourselves to be swayed by emotion. Only consider what
can be proved. While it is true I can articulate my current emotional state I
have found it very difficult to show cause and effect between an action or
event and an emotional response. The only success I have found in describing
this relationship (an action creating an emotion) is for the basest of emotions
such as sadness or anger. I have not been able to quantify some of my more
complex feelings. Given that there are some instances where I cannot tell how
an action will make me feel, I must treat my emotions as untrustworthy. To put
it plainly, since we cannot base our actions on nondeterministic systems we
must discard such untrustworthy mechanisms. Consider only the systems that
produce consistent results.

2. I can only act upon my own experiences. I have never been in a
relationship therefore it is difficult to judge the actual value or mechanics
of one. I must act as if I know all that I need, because I have no other
information. Relying on other people’s experiences can be flawed as other
people are not me and therefore do not share my thinking process.

Goal Based Reasoning

What is the goal of a relationship? If you enter a relationship (dating) it
must have a defined end objective. For most that would be marriage or at least
long term cohabitation. The period of dating in this case can be seen as an
evaluation by both parties as to the relative qualities of the opposite
partner(s). Qualities here will be defined as the character, ideals, goals, etc
that a person holds as important. The process of dating exposes these qualities
and the involved parties determine what parts they are willing to accept and
what parts they are not willing to accept. If the parties involved determine
they have enough qualities in agreement a marriage is produced. Therefore to
date is to consider the other partner(s) for marriage.

I do not want to marry, so I do not want to date, so I am single. Why do I
not want to marry?

1. A marriage is static. Consider this popular notion of love locks. The lock symbols an
unbreakable vow. A perpetual commitment. I am unwilling to make such a
commitment. I have made many bad decisions because of my unwillingness
(stubbornness) to change. I will not subscribe to any agreement that could
never change. Paradoxical yes, but that is the state I find myself in.

2. A marriage is continued social contact. I do not do well when I am in
constant contact with people. Regardless of relationship after about two weeks
of close contact I find myself unable to stand others. I have not found an
exception to this rule.

3. A marriage is complete and total trust. To accept the contract of
marriage is to accept the parties involved have complete trust in each other.
This is an obligation I cannot meet. I trust people to the point where failure
of that trust can do me a minor amount of harm. After that point I have never
gone further.

4. A marriage is ownership and control. Remember the lock example? Marriage
is a lock in that it implies ownership of the parties to each other. Locks are
used to protect owned things. How many times have you heard the phrase “they
belong to each other?” It implies deep devotion, but it represents ownership.
Ownership manifests itself in the form of control. A partner(s) being able to
exert some degree of influence over the actions of another. This is not the
ideal state of existence. I do not wish to be controlled, even in the smallest
degree, nor do I wish to have or exert control over another.

I will ignore an explanation of possible benefits as the negatives I have
presented, in my determination, are greater than any possible benefit. Now, let
us consider the outlying case: a person pursing a relationship with a goal
other than marriage. This case is also important to consider as it too has
suggested as a possible course of action for me. Two questions to guide our
analysis: What are the possible benefits of this agreement? Why are these
benefits not sufficient to convince me? People pursing this type of commitment
are looking for continued, long term, emotional/physical connection with a
partner(s). I said I would ignore arguments based on emotion, but this
pervasive theory must be addressed. I do not see any downside to this
arrangement (as long as we apply the above boundaries to it), but I have no
need for it. People have often attempted to justify my need for such things by
asserting that an arrangement of this type will satisfy some nebulous emotional
state such as desire, love, companionship, etc. I do not see the benefits of
such things. I am aware of no emotional deficiencies in my character and thus
have no need to seek out ways to address the lack. Put simply, I have not felt
the need for such things nor do I desire to alter my current state. It is true
that some people find comfort in such pairings (grouping), but I do not think I
would have the same result.

Let us summarize. I have no need to pursue the goal of marriage/long term
commitment because the end result (the goal) is of no value to me.

How afraid are you?

I must regrettably consider that my reasoning has been unduly influenced by
my fear of the unknown or by some other deficit of character (stubbornness,
jealousy, arrogance, your choice). I admit to trying and failing a number of
times to fulfill my purely rational ideals. This contradiction may be occurring
here and may be contributing to my reticence. How can I tell if this happening
or not? The first prerequisite of my reasoning is the belief that I can
successfully divorce my rational thoughts from my emotional thoughts. If I have
failed at this goal my reasoning is wrong (partially or fully). Therefore, I
must investigate my feelings regarding the matter to discern if they have
affected my reasoning.

1. Am I angry at rejection and seek an alternative explanation? Hard to
judge if I have actually been rejected multiple times or just assumed the worst
end result. My ability to gauge intent in others is poor.

2. Am I too stubborn/arrogant to change and try such things? This is
definitely possible. I have acted irrationally before because I was unwilling
to compromise.

3. Am I jealous of others? Also possible, but I think less likely. Past
experience indicates I care very little about what others have. Perhaps this is
an exception?

4. Am I afraid? This explanation is the most likely case. In the past I have
definitely been adversely affected by fear.

Not much of a conclusion to be drawn here, more of a halfhearted shrug. I
have had great difficulty in understanding my emotional system which is why I
try so hard to divorce myself from emotions when it comes to decision making. I
can only say for certain I may not have been successful in this regard.

Tempted Yet?

I have already wasted far too much of your time on this drivel, but consider
one last point. Despite all this I still confess a certain temptation. I know
and have proved to myself that such fancies can only result in disaster, but
perhaps I am mistaken. Am I really willing to sacrifice such experiences? For
now, yes.

Ethics Philosophy

My Responsibility Toward Others

I try to not make declarative statements about how you should or should not
act. Instead, I can tell you how I act (or try to act) and you can evaluate and
decide for yourself how worthwhile the positions I take are. What follows is
not exactly my guiding principles (rules) towards personal interactions, but
more like points on a graph that form a line that roughly correlates to how I
approach things.

1. Always tell the truth

When you talk to someone they expect and deserve the truth. Not a convenient
half truth, or a palatable partial truth, but the whole unadulterated truth.
Why do they expect the truth, because talking is a verbal swapping of truths.
Have you ever asked a question of a person and wanted a lie? The whole point of
communication is accurate transfer of correct information. It is of no value to
receive information that is incorrect. Let us consider a possible interaction
where I lie.

Coworker 1: Paul can you explain to me how this widget works? Paul: Yes it
works like this, BLAH BLAH BLAH.

From the outside it looks truthful and it helps me preserve face for the
moment, but there is no good long term benefit. The result of this interaction
for coworker 1 is they go back to her/his desk, they try to use the widget, and
things do not work out. Coworker 1 has gained nothing from the interaction,
starts to question my knowledge/skill, and now must now go find someone or
something else to get the information she or he needs. What is the result for
me? I have mislead someone who needs help and I have robbed myself of the excitement of not
. Why did I do this? To save face, an endeavor that failed moments
later once my advice was tested. The whole concept of saving face was worthless
to begin with since the last thing
anyone cares about is me

This is not an excuse to discharge your decorum. You can be gentle with your
truth, but it must be the truth.

2. Never leave anything on the table

Consider how easy it could be for you to die. Perhaps you get in a car crash
on your commute. Maybe you have a heart attack in the middle of the night. You
could electrocute yourself with a toaster during breakfast. As easy as it is
for you to die, so it is too for the people you know to die. Anytime you part
you could never see that person again. Given a long enough time scale this will
eventually become true. It is for this reason you must never leave something
unsaid or unresolved, because you may never get another chance. I call this
leaving things on the table. You have, through inaction, left some aspect of
your friendship/relationship unresolved: a debt, a argument, unexpressed
gratitude or feeling. Each time I say goodbye I ask myself, “have I left
something on the table”. It is a reminder to never forget our mortality and the
morality of others.

3. It is your fault if someone does not understand

I would say about 50% of the time I try and explain something to someone I
fail. I have a whole section of memory dedicated to the puzzled faced, the
confused look. It is tempting to place the blame on the person I am explaining
something to. It certainly would absolve me of wrongdoing, but how is this
helpful? The matter is left unresolved, the person left uneducated. It is your
job to spread knowledge. It is for this reason that anytime you try and explain
something to someone and fail the fault is yours alone. When you finish
explaining something say this phrase: “does that make sense?”. If the answer is
anything other than a clear “yes” then try again. Use more general terms, use a
simpler metaphor, explain less in one shot.

4. No one owes you anything

It would be nice to always be told the truth, to always be respected, to
always be valued, but by default these intangibles are not owed to you. The
only respect given to you is that which is accorded by the law. The rest you
pay for by keeping your word, being reasonable, being honest. Everything you
have must be earned. Consider this quote from a book I once claimed to have
read, The Bell Jar:

If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed.

With this philosophy, if someone lets you down, mistreats you, does not help
you when you are in need, no worries you never expected it to be any other way.
This seems, initially, to be incredibly negative. It assumes the worst in
people. This is a charge I will not dispute. I posit the benefit from this
philosophy is in the moments when your expectation is refuted. It is the time
when you expect nothing, but are given everything. It is the experience of
having your wallet returned when you lost it, the relief of someone helping you
carry a heavy load, the welcome advice to resolve a problem. When you expect
nothing / are owed nothing every time you are proved wrong becomes a gift.

5. Never waste a person’s time

Time is a finite resource to a person. Never waste it. If they do not care
about what you have to say, best to not say it. If you do speak, get to the
point. If you told them you would be there at 5:00PM, be there at 4:50PM so
they do not have to waste time waiting on you. Give reasonable estimates of how
long a task will take. Apologize if the task takes longer even if it is not
your fault. Any interaction with others uses a person’s time. Make them feel it
was worth it.

Not sure I was able to capture everything here. I have other thoughts, but
they are too nebulous to commit to yet. Perhaps there will be a follow up

Engineering Philosophy

Why I Love Documentation

Documentation is an extension of the engineering process not an afterthought
or a separate process. When I say documentation, I am referring to the text you
produce that gives an overview of how a project was done (architected) and, in
some cases, how to go about using something. I am not talking about inline
documentation like code comments. When you document a project you are seeking
to answer two questions:

  1. Do I understand what I just did enough to explain it?
  2. Upon review, can I improve what I just did?

The first question challenges you to actually explain what you just did. If
you were explaining a feature you wrote you would talk about how all the moving
parts fit together. To put it a little more concretely you explain how certain
classes/objects interact with other classes/objects, how you went about
segregating your work, what design patterns you did, how data flows from one
form to another. This is what people care about, because here you describe how
to actually use what you did. I am a huge fan of providing concrete, full code
examples of how something works. If you want to know how something works, the
best way to learn is to look at the code. This is extremely easy when the
person who wrote it provides a concise detailed walkthrough. A good example of
this would be the JDeveloper
ADF tutorial docs
. Clear incremental examples walking through how to do
something complicated. If you can answer this question you prove to yourself
you fully understand what you just did. If you cannot answer this question you
will pay for it in the future, either in your inability to help others use what
you have written or the difficulty you face fixing a bug/adding a feature. Use
documentation to ensure you know what you are doing.

The second question is a byproduct of the first. While working through what
you just did you are also evaluating how well you actually did something. This
is akin to editing a completed work. I can only speak of my own experience, but
I have two working modes: producing and editing. When I produce I have a
limited view as I seek to solve small discrete problems one at a time. How do I
process this bean, where can I get this data, what SQL command returns the
proper set of data. It is only when I pull back out to editing mode that I can
take a broad view and see how my work integrates into other pieces. Why have I
not condensed all these similar business class function into one call, why did
I use a array in this data structure when a hash map offers a quicker lookup
time. When you are immersed in work it can be very easy to lose the larger
picture of what you are accomplishing. Only by reviewing what you have done can
you pull back and evaluate your creation.

This philosophy does not just apply to code. One of the guiding principles
of this blog is a venue for me to document my past project thoughts, like I
have done with my
helmet thus
far. I have found that the mere act of organizing the fractured thoughts into
ordered structured sentences can I better understand what I just did. It allows
me to understand the process I followed and determine ways I can improve it.
And that is the key to why I love documentation. Documentation is self directed
learning. This is your craft, it is worthless to practice a craft without the
desire for constant improvement. Use documentation as a means towards
constantly improving your craft.

For a more detailed, programmer centered overview, check out Yevgeniy
Brikman’s post on the subject

Engineering Philosophy

Your Responsibility as an Engineer/Doer of Things

Have you ever looked over your job responsibilities? Here is an example
listing of some responsibilities of a software engineering position:


  • Application design from concept through development and implementation
  • Provide technical leadership and guidance to your team members
  • Establish a solid project framework and excellent development
  • Consistently deliver quality software and services
  • Work with internal and external teams to co-ordinate parallel development
    efforts into single releases

Lot of stuff in there, but if you filter out all the buzz words and business
speak you really only have one responsibility, the most important rule for any
project: GET THINGS DONE. This may seem obvious, but it is so easy to get
bogged down in the implementation of something that you lose sight of this
goal. Look at some important coding practices:

  • Code makes sense to people reading it after you (consistent style, clear
    function/variable names, obvious segregation of tasks).
  • Code is free of extraneous variables, function calls, bad comments.
  • Your algorithms are as time and space efficient as can be.

But what is that list missing:

  • Code must work.

It does not matter how efficient, clean, nice your code is. If your code
does not work you fail, do not pass go, do not collect $200, go to jail. Sure,
try and follow all these goals while you are working. In fact a good engineer
would actively be following them all the time. But, that said we live in world
with time tables and deadlines. No one and I mean absolutely no one cares about
anything else if your code does not work when they need it to. It is the same
concept when working on building something physical. Stop getting held up on
getting things perfect, do the best you can in a reasonable amount of time and
move on. Perfection is for finished working things, not for projects in


I Want Criticism Not Compliments

The best gifts are useful gifts. One Christmas I got socks which I was a
little miffed about until it turned out I actually needed socks. Many times I
have been given compliments like a gift. What use is a compliment? There is a
quick rush of happiness, a little smug satisfaction, a tiny increase in your
sense of self worth. But how can you make use of a compliment? What information
does a compliment contain to better yourself with? The last thing I need is
more air to inflate my ego. I want criticism.
I can take criticism and use it to better myself or the project I am working
on. Criticism has a use and a purpose where a compliment does not.

Confessions Philosophy

Confessions of a Hopeless Egoist

You may have noticed the name of this blog, and perhaps even the domain it
is registered under. Why did I use my own name? I could have named this blog
something more informative, perhaps Grammar Challenged Musings or
Poorly Conceived Ideas. At least then you might have had a better
idea what the content I would be writing about would be. But no, I used my own
name. Is this perhaps merely a dearth of creativity on my end? Did I just run
out of ideas? Not at all. I am just hopeless infatuated with myself. So much so
that I have to name my blog after me. To do anything else would not be in my
nature, despite the pretense I had of using another name*. The phrase for this
is not good, or if you are less charitable, not healthy.

It is not just the use of my name for this blog, here is a quick listing of
some other failures associated with my rampant egoism:

  1. Failure to listen to others.
  2. Preoccupation with my station.
  3. Obsession with status (salary, possessions, intelligence, etc).

I should really read my own blog posts, that
would help. So what am I doing to resolve this.

1. Actually listen to people instead of daydreaming while you wait your turn
to talk. People other than myself have interesting things to say oddly enough
and perhaps I can even learn from them.

2. Never talk about money. The chance to brag and boast is just too great. I
am not even that wealthy, but I just cannot help myself so the best bet is to
eliminate temptation.

3. Never miss a chance to self-deprecate. I like to think this is a daily
chance for me to remind myself of how badly my skill is at some tasks.

4. Speak honestly and openly. If I can just say the truth I can tamper down
some of my outrageous beliefs. This blog is that in practice.

5. Internalize and use often the phrases “I do not know” and “that is my
fault”. The mere act of saying you do not know something or that something you
did was your fault helps, for me at least, accept it.

So with the confession done hopefully I learned something.

* For historical reference here are some blog names I was considering:

  1. Eye On the Clock
  2. Both Eyes on the Clock
  3. The Unobserved Garden
  4. Things Unobserved
  5. Undiscovered Countries

Reading these again, some of them are pretty awful.